Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Dolly and A.P Weigh In on the Upcoming Elections
Rant from Dolly Dentura:
Hello again, readers.
Dolly Dentura here, with a reminder: Election Day 2006 is coming up faster than a home-cooked meal at AP Perkins' house. But seriously, folks, this is no time to sit on your sofa and leave the voting to your neighbors. This election will decide whether America continues to kick the keisters of terrorists, or whether a bunch of flower children take over both houses, start throwing wads of cash at deadbeats (on YOUR dime), and turn this mighty country into a schoolyard sissy with all the strength and resolve of France.
"Dolly, are you trying to influence my vote?" Folks, I hear this comment all the time. Even if I wanted to, it would be illegal for me to step into an antiquated voting booth and try to help you to move levers that have been so rusted for the last 50 years they can barely move. Listen, some people are trying to keep the rumor alive that modern-day voting technology is oooooo, so scary! So untrustworthy! The same kind of buttons that set off nuclear explosions! But rest assured, no matter what kind of voting apparatus your district has, it's all PERFECTLY accurate. I mean, come on? Where do you think we live? Below the equator?? (An FYI: Diebold machines are usually the most accurate.)
So, get out and vote, people! And keep in mind, it's up to YOU to decide whether or not we stay the RIGHT course and keep America rich and thriving, or if we give into the will of evildoers, drop to our knees, and scream, in French, "Come and beat us to a pulp!"
---Your friend in truth,
Dolly
Counterrant from AP Perkins:
Dolly, I swear, you are more prolific letting gas belch out of your flabbing lips than Le Petomane ever was blasting it out of his ass.
You're defending probably the worst Congress who've ever supported the worst president who ever lived--a president who just announced to the press that Face Shooting Fatfuck will remain Vice President for another two years. Apparently, he doesn't read the Constitution he just tore up, since he doesn't get to appoint VP's. They're elected. George Bush saying that Dick Cheney will remain as Vice President is like Pinocchio saying Geppetto will still remain his puppeteer, which, I guess, makes sense since that wooden-headed, nose-growing bastard isn't even ready to become a boy yet.
You talk about terrorists, Dolly, but if you want real honest-to-goodness Halloween terror, look into the face of Dracula Dick Cheney. Or listen to his wife flap her blistered pustules. Or get out of the car and let Laura Bush drive. Or read My Pet Goat to kids when you're told "America is under attack." Does any of this smell like brie, bitch?
And the e-voting machines? Why do you think they're called Diebold? Because anyone bold enough to vote for anyone with integrity will have his or her vote die in the machine. The only paper trail your favorite party wants is a line of hundred dollar bills leading to an underage Congressional page's ass!
I only thing I can agree with you is that everyone should get out there and vote, and before election day, do what you can to help get fresh blood in the Congress. You can always tell your opponents that Dracula needs fresh blood to get their votes. They'll be too drunk and too busy having Brittany-porking fantasies and listening to K-Fed to notice.
--In the realm of sanity,
A.P. Perkins
Hello again, readers.
Dolly Dentura here, with a reminder: Election Day 2006 is coming up faster than a home-cooked meal at AP Perkins' house. But seriously, folks, this is no time to sit on your sofa and leave the voting to your neighbors. This election will decide whether America continues to kick the keisters of terrorists, or whether a bunch of flower children take over both houses, start throwing wads of cash at deadbeats (on YOUR dime), and turn this mighty country into a schoolyard sissy with all the strength and resolve of France.
"Dolly, are you trying to influence my vote?" Folks, I hear this comment all the time. Even if I wanted to, it would be illegal for me to step into an antiquated voting booth and try to help you to move levers that have been so rusted for the last 50 years they can barely move. Listen, some people are trying to keep the rumor alive that modern-day voting technology is oooooo, so scary! So untrustworthy! The same kind of buttons that set off nuclear explosions! But rest assured, no matter what kind of voting apparatus your district has, it's all PERFECTLY accurate. I mean, come on? Where do you think we live? Below the equator?? (An FYI: Diebold machines are usually the most accurate.)
So, get out and vote, people! And keep in mind, it's up to YOU to decide whether or not we stay the RIGHT course and keep America rich and thriving, or if we give into the will of evildoers, drop to our knees, and scream, in French, "Come and beat us to a pulp!"
---Your friend in truth,
Dolly
Counterrant from AP Perkins:
Dolly, I swear, you are more prolific letting gas belch out of your flabbing lips than Le Petomane ever was blasting it out of his ass.
You're defending probably the worst Congress who've ever supported the worst president who ever lived--a president who just announced to the press that Face Shooting Fatfuck will remain Vice President for another two years. Apparently, he doesn't read the Constitution he just tore up, since he doesn't get to appoint VP's. They're elected. George Bush saying that Dick Cheney will remain as Vice President is like Pinocchio saying Geppetto will still remain his puppeteer, which, I guess, makes sense since that wooden-headed, nose-growing bastard isn't even ready to become a boy yet.
You talk about terrorists, Dolly, but if you want real honest-to-goodness Halloween terror, look into the face of Dracula Dick Cheney. Or listen to his wife flap her blistered pustules. Or get out of the car and let Laura Bush drive. Or read My Pet Goat to kids when you're told "America is under attack." Does any of this smell like brie, bitch?
And the e-voting machines? Why do you think they're called Diebold? Because anyone bold enough to vote for anyone with integrity will have his or her vote die in the machine. The only paper trail your favorite party wants is a line of hundred dollar bills leading to an underage Congressional page's ass!
I only thing I can agree with you is that everyone should get out there and vote, and before election day, do what you can to help get fresh blood in the Congress. You can always tell your opponents that Dracula needs fresh blood to get their votes. They'll be too drunk and too busy having Brittany-porking fantasies and listening to K-Fed to notice.
--In the realm of sanity,
A.P. Perkins
